Germs and the Husbands who Deny Them

Apparently, all of the germs within a hundred mile radius have teamed up and decided to meet at our house.  We have not one, not two, but very likely three separate illnesses going on here and they involve all manner of bodily functions.  They have a firm grip on our family and they don’t look to be moving on any time soon.

First The Husband fell victim.  He’s a big guy and he rarely gets sick but he fell hard. We nursed him back to health and then The Queen Bee became the second victim.  It appears that she has all three of the illnesses residing within her tired, little body.

Love Bug went down next.  Have you ever wondered just how much vomit could fit into a toddler-sized body? No? Well, I bet you are thinking about it now.  And I can tell you the answer, but first I must tell you that something even more awful happened…

I got sick. Yup, the thing my husband most dreads in the world, aside from me asking him to move the piano again.   I became ill enough that I had to call him home from work today and then crawl into bed with chills and other unspeakable symptoms.

Convincing The Husband that this is serious is another matter.  If I say, “I’m sick. I need you to come home and take care of the kids.”,  he thinks something like, “Oh, she needs me to leave the office in a couple of hours so she can take a little nap but she can still fetch drinks for the kids, deal with them while I send emails for work and totally take over if I have a conference call.”

So I have to talk to him in “workese”:

“I’m gravely ill and need to take a sick day.  You’ll need to assume my responsibilities or delegate them to the nearest capable relative. What’s that?  We have no capable relatives nearby? Wow, we seriously need to increase our support staff around here. Please submit a budget and a project plan for that by close of business today so we will be able to execute it tomorrow, in the event that my illness continues. By the way, you’ve been doing an excellent job with your responsibilities of taking care of us thus far and I can assure you that it will be reflected in your next performance evaluation.”

Do you think I should follow that up with an email?  I’d like to but I can only type lying down for so long before my neck starts hurting and my hands get cold.

I should probably close this post with one of those italicized descriptions of the author that appears at the end of magazine articles. You know, something like this:

Julie blogs about homeschooling and now, apparently, gender and communication differences, at the widely read blog, Creekside Learning.  She adores her husband and acknowledges all of the wonderful caretaking responsibilities he has taken on, including fetching her tea, cleaning up kid vomit, changing very scary diapers and not forgetting to feed whichever kids  feel like eating.  They live in a germy house in Virginia with their three kids, two hermit crabs and a toad.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in humor. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Germs and the Husbands who Deny Them

  1. Amy Wirth says:

    Too funny. You nailed the “workese”. By the way, I linked to your blogpost about RightStart Math in my blog today. Your description was so good, that it was better than me repeating it.

  2. Oh, I’m sorry you’re sick! I like the humor with which you wrote the post though. Hope your’re feeling well soon.

  3. Steph says:

    Julie, it’s like we’re leading parallel lives this week. I totally feel your pain! We actually got medical confirmation from the family doc that we are indeed harboring at least 4, possibly 5, different illnesses over here. And I went down too – hard. And yes, I too had to call in weekday backup staff – aka the husband – so that I could take a sick day! It has not been pretty over here, and it’s taking it’s sweet time leaving. Needless to say, this trashed the homeschool schedule. We’re a week behind on our Chinese New Year plans! I need a do-over of last week…..

  4. Siggi says:

    We’re all sick too, but my husband is home, and we just have a nasty respiratory flu, so you have my sympathy!

    Sometimes you have to laugh so you don’t cry, eh? Watch some FMT (Funny Movie Therapy), and take care of yourself!

  5. Mom says:

    So sorry to hear you guys are sick, especially you. Mom’s aren’t supposed to get sick!! Good to read that the germs haven’t afflicted your humor and great writing. Hey, I am only a plane ride away.

  6. I’m glad you guys are better. This made me laugh and read it to my Loverly Husband 🙂
    ~h

  7. Shannon says:

    Absolutely brilliant. So sorry about the illness part though, and hope you have all recovered!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s